Dealing With Horrible Bosses

How do you deal with a horrible boss in the work place? Is there any way to work 9-5 everyday and successfully deal with a crazed maniac? I realize this sounds excruciatingly difficult, but all things are possible. There is hope to relieve some of the stress and pain caused by dealing with a manic personality on a daily basis. Well, a horrible boss can be rude, disrespectful, and intimidating using you as a scapegoat in order to minimize his own faults. You may actually be dealing with someone who is not on his medications, stressed out at home or doesn't even know what is doing so he tries to put his shortcomings onto you making you feel like you did something wrong. I've experienced this first hand for many years before I finally got hip to it. It took a while for me to realize that I was right in the way I felt, but wrong in the way I handled things. I use to speak out strongly and voice my opinions only to complicate the situation even more. It became a vicious cycle which almost lead to my demise. In the long run being passive and allowing people walk all over you is never going to be a workable solution. It only makes you appear desperate turning you into an easy target for continued harassment and abuse. Over a period of time I've learned that a rock doesn't change it's shape. To put it mildly people are who they are and it is not our job to try to change them. We cannot stop people from being who they are. Your horrible boss will never care about your opinions and your being all in your emotions. In the long run you can change your work place, but you take the chance of running into this same problem wherever you go. I feel like you have to change yourself or you will take YOU to the next situation. My task for today is to present some ideas for those who have found themselves paralyzed in this type of situation not knowing which direction to take concerning these crazed maniacs who actually believe they are really good people.

My first suggestion is: "Take Back Your Power". The power is within you and you have way more power than you think you do.Well, how do I do that thing with 'Power'? Truth be told, you definitely can't do it if you give your superior the power. We give up our power by responding to his negative behaviors with our emotions. Your emotions are valid, but never cool in this situation. Don't try to think of clever things to say to your boss or hope he/she understands you. He does not. Not when you are in a situation of having a horrible boss. It's not worth it because your manic boss doesn't care anything about you. He/she will never be concerned about the way you feel ever in this lifetime. I'm pleading this as an effort to get you to understand what you are dealing with in this type of situation. He/she also feels that they are right to treat you the way he does. You must accept that this person is not going to change because he/she doesn't have the capacity to change nor does he want to. Acceptance is a B****. Your horrible boss has a need that is being fulfilled in some deranged way and you will NOT be the one to change that in any way, shape or form. You must choose your battles wisely and everything is not your battle!!.. In other words, keep your ammunition in a safe place and only use it in a life or death situation. Take back your power by learning to ignore the culprit never letting him/her know exactly where you are coming from or exactly what is on your mind. Keep him guessing. It's the same as when your a customer at the bank or McDonald's etc.. Your shown absolutely no emotions when they've done something to piss you off. You can't figure out where they are coming from because they have completely ignored you. Remember you are not dealing with a normal personality with a horrible boss. Ignoring the culprit gives you an advantage. That's not a negative thing because he/she has to work even harder to try and 'attack you'. Let him/her do all the work. They don't have to know you don't give a F***. Keep it simple. When it becomes something totally against your morals and values then it's on! Otherwise, what's more important is for you to know why you are there and what you are getting out of being there. It could be your close to acquiring a pension, supports your lavish lifestyle or simply that you have access to parking. Only you can determine that and trust me 'That's Powerful'!

Every relationship cannot be reconciled. If you cannot move on to another job physically then remove yourself from the situation emotionally. Learn to ignore and mentally block out your horrible boss. If needed, go to the bathroom to deep breathe and meditate. If you allow yourself to get too agitated and angry, then you can't hear what your inner spirit is saying to you. Learn to trust your inner spirit and what its saying to you at all times. If you can find a way to pay attention your inner spirit will always guide you and reveal the correct answers. This is why I stress the need for you to remain quiet. Our inner spirit is PERFECT and will always give you the right answers. You'll know when you have the right answer when you feel PEACE. Remember no emotions are allowed. Don't allow your horrible boss to take you out of your character. If you are a good person then keep on being a good person. Just keep on being you.

Next, keep things in perspective. Think before you act. Use your head, but don't think too much. Know when your being punked. Some bosses may be testing you to see how you'll respond. If you feel the need to speak your mind to your horrible boss you should always have a back up plan. Only you can determine what that is. If you really need this job keep your mouth shut. You don't want to start a battle and cause more animosity between the two of you, because you are sure to lose. Trust me I've been through this. Swallow your pride and never let him know where your coming from. Take back your power! After awhile this will become second nature. You will have masterminded a plan to keep you at any job no matter where you go. Once you are able to do this you will find yourself extremely happy and at peace. Yes you can have peace in the mist of a storm.

Furthermore, document, document, document! You do not need to keep a journal of everything that goes on during the course of the day. Just email and/or write everything down that has managed to become your battle. Then you can email and/or copy your horrible boss in regards to this situation in particular. Be very detailed in your explanation and request for your supervisor to 'please advise'. If your really getting your work done, you do not have time to write down every little thing everyday....Come in early, leave late, follow the rules, keep the focus and get the job done to the best of your ability. Communication is not always the key in this situation. I say this because your boss already has a set way of thinking and it won't change. Don't try to take your boss out of his/her comfort zone because your boss is going through something that you wouldn't understand. He may be trying to keep his own job and/ or move up within the workplace. You will never know.

Know when your time is up. There comes a time when enough is enough. You don't have to be abused and mistreated just to earn a living and enjoy the basic necessities of life. You must accept your horrible boss for who he is and strategically remove yourself from the situation. In other words leave on your own terms, in your own way, in your own time, with your head up and a** out! More importantly, if you must leave make sure you leave the right way resigning with a two weeks notice. Make sure you have a job lined up before leaving. If it's already gotten this bad you should have reported to Human Resources so that they are aware of what is going on, but please make sure you have sufficient documentation and make sure you have your back up plan in place before going to human resources. Playing smart is how you take back your power. Know that God allows this type situation to happen to make you stronger and better, not make you a quitter. These are the things that builds character. Your horrible boss has no character, but you do.

Lastly, upon moving on find a job with a union. This will at least make it much harder for you to get fired or discriminated against in your next position. Don't get me wrong, you can still get fired, but it's much harder when there's a union involved. Know your rights and what is available to you in and outside the work place.

In summation, we can treat a poor work relationship the same way we would treat any poor relationship. We are still dealing with communication, forgiveness, and closure. We are also dealing with denial, anger and fear of letting go. It's all the same. We don't have to hold on to poor relationships whether it be at home or in the work place. We can attempt to make things work for our own benefits, but we must also learn when it's time to let go. If it's making you sick physically and mentally it's probably time to put your health first and move on. We can choose our own battles and know that we don't have to tolerate bad behavior and mistreatment from anyone. We deserve to be in relationships that contribute to our happiness and well being. Not relationships that devastate or tear us down. We deserve to be happy. Don't be afraid to let go and take a chance at happiness. Step outside the box, but do it with dignity and respect. I left a secure good paying job for a chance at peace and happiness. That job was making me sick with anxiety and depression. For some that would have been a tough call, but I left on my own terms with my head up and a** out. I never looked back. I call it an amicable split. It simply means this was no longer working for me. It became about me and not my horrible boss. About what I wanted and did not want. What I will tolerate and will not tolerate. I  pulled a switch and took back 'My Power'. I've always had the power to set records and make history. It's scary and I don't know what's ahead of me, but I do know what I want. "What you thought was meant for bad always turns out for the good as long as you learn from your mistakes." The spirit will always guide you. "You do have a right to a happy life and a happy ending". Take back your power!

Malaysia's Blog

On July 21st 2010 God introduced baby Malaysia to the world. One sad day on 08-28-2010 at only 5 weeks old God came back for His child and took her back home. How do you explain why things like this happen? The death of a baby? How can you make sense out of having to bury an innocent child? When God took His baby back some friends and family asked questions concerning why this happened. We had never witnessed or experienced anything like this before. An infant has never died in our family before. I found myself attempting to explain exactly why this happened with no success knowing deep down that I was not hitting it on the nose. Those answers just did not feel right in my heart. Fortunately, the true answers started flowing through my heart and I wanted to share in memory of Malaysia.

In this life we have only one purpose and that is to worship God and Him only. Our only purpose on this earth is to worship Him with all our heart, mind and soul. If we can do this then He is pleased. God has given us free will to get to heaven or hell. The choice is ours. Death is inevitable and there is no doubt that it is going to happen, but it's not our choice to choose when. It's a scary fact but it's true. Yes, we would like for it to happen when we're old and have lived our lives, but that's not always the case. It's not about us and what we want. It's about God. It would be idea for all to grow old, but God mixed it up a little so that we don't get too comfortable with this earth. Have you ever noticed that when death occurs we remember God. Sometimes we even blame God feeling He took our loved ones to punish us. Well, that couldn't be farther from the truth. The bottom line is that we all have to go at our appointed times. The only thing that God wants us to know is that this pain we feel here on earth will not be so in Heaven. Heaven is a beautiful place where there will be no more pain and no more tears. God says "I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again, and receive you unto myself; that where I am, there ye may be also" John 14: 2-3. The old saying "nothing is promised" is so untrue. God made lots of beautiful promises which will be fulfilled. Until then we have to go on and live our best lives. To my niece, Malaysia's mom:

In the words of Patti labelle, "Loves never dies." Malaysia is with God now while He prepares a place for all of us. Celebrate her life because it was exactly what God meant for it to be. She was a beautiful baby girl and had love from you that will last until you meet again. God never meant to hurt you, but to prepare you for Heaven when it's your time. Right now He wants you to live your best life and you shall be blessed. Losing a child is hard and painful and it's not ok, but in time it will be ok. It's ok to cry because God will wipe away the tears. You may never get over her loss, but you will learn to live with it. Malaysia can see the real beauty of the world which is in Heaven. God spared her from all the confusion chaos and pain we experience here on earth. She's ok now. Mathew 18:18, "Verily I say unto you, What so ever ye shall bind on earth shall be bound in Heaven." So take comfort in knowing you will see her again. Auntie loves you and wants you to live your best life.

The Beatitudes

The biggest problems in finding true love is that we either tend to keep picking the wrong person or the right one is standing right in our face and we don't even know it. How many times has this happened in your life? We go in and out of relationships thinking this next one will be better than the last. Never taking the time to evaluate ourselves and learn from past mistakes. What's wrong in today's society that we still can't get this right? What is wrong when people continue to substitute fear for love? When are we going to heal and start believing that love is a beautiful thing? Love is nothing to run from or be afraid of. It amazes me that people have managed to turn love into fear. The only way a new relationship will be better than the last is if you are better. In order for us to get better we must acquire maturity, responsibility and improve our emotional IQ. In order to be responsible you have to learn to admit your wrongs in why the relationship failed. It takes two to tango even if you think your innocent, your not. You made a choice when you picked that person and you made a choice to stay, and you made a choice to invest in that relationship. If you don't see what part you did wrong then that's where maturity and emotional IQ comes in.

Ironically, differences is what makes a relationship interesting. You don't have to have everything in common in order to make a relationship work. It's more important that you know what the deal breakers are. An example of a deal breaker is: Your a devoted Christian and he/she is an atheist, you want to have children and he/she absolutely does not, or he/she slept with one of you family members etc. These are a few of the many deal breakers depending on your own morals and values. While it is not important to have everything in common, it is important that you share the exact same morals and values in life. The scripture says, be ye not unequally yolked. That means you should stay clear of anyone that does not share the same morals and values as you. Take time to get to know someone and don't be so quick to hop in the sack. Sex is so emotional and we can't see straight once we get involved with someone that way. We must practice being friends first before giving our soul to someone. Friendship builds a foundation. No relationship can survive without an excellent foundation. It takes time to really get to know someone. I shed tears when I saw TI and Tiny finally tied the knot. That's because I know their love for one another was built off friendship. They built that foundation and they got each others back. There isn't too much that will be able to tear that down and that's a beautiful thing.

In order to build a foundation you must first learn from your mistakes prior to and during your relationship. Learn to listen to each other and support each other. In other words have each others back. Stop with all the negative talk and learn to say positive things to each other regularly. If you put positivity out into the universe, that's what you will get back. You have to reinvent your self and relationship every now and then because sometimes it does get boring. Being bored is not an excuse to cheat. If your a mature individual and you love and value your partner, then cheating will never be an option. That goes for both male and female. Last but not least, keep family and friends out of your relationships. This is always a recipe for disaster as you can become confused by other peoples thoughts and opinions about your relationship. Most of the time they can't even figure out their own partners.

The bottom line is that communication begets friendship, friendship begets acceptance, acceptance begets compromise, compromise begets honesty, honesty begets trust, trust begets respect, respect begets maturity, maturity begets value, value begets high emotional IQ which equals LOVE. You have to learn to know when you've chosen the wrong person, and when the right one is right in your face, when to work on it and when to let go. God did not mean for 'this thing called love' to be so difficult. He meant for us to learn and grow and to be able to know the right one when we see him/her. He never meant for it to be so much confusion. I always say "we create our own problems, therefore we can create our own peace." Let's start the healing process...Peace!!

This Thing Called Love, Part II

Well, I'm back once again on this topic of love. This time I'm inspired by a young man I met at a singles social event I attended last week. This event was for singles which consisted of a complimentary drink and discussing several different topics. They also do occasional speed dating. The topic of that day was 'why do men cheat'. There were several other topics discussed, but I was fixed on this one.

It immediately struck me as odd when this young man admitted he was a 'cheater' and felt that it was fine as long as he was up front in the beginning about his life style. He was the facilitator and creator of this event. He felt it's better to be honest and give someone the chance to opt out rather than lead someone on. He strongly felt that he should be able to do this as long as he held it down and was a great provider. I actually admired how confident this young man was about his beliefs. In other words, confidence can take you a long way.

It didn't surprise me that no one really knew exactly why men cheat. A couple of men offered their opinions about the subject. One gentleman appeared to have a very high emotional IQ and was able to offer some interesting thoughts on the subject. He was married and older than the young man I'm referring to. Unfortunately, I did not take notes and don't remember exactly what was said. Ultimately, I believe anyone who cheats does so because of irresponsibility and a very poor emotional IQ.

Anyway, I sat quietly taking everything in because I did not want my opinion to offend anyone and I definitely had a different point of view. Towards the end of this event the young man I'm referring to made an attempt to explain why he felt he was in the 'elite' category. Maybe because he was young, attractive and made excellent money, I don't know. The more he attemted to explain the less convinced I was. He ended up admitting he's 99% sure he does not want to get married and if he ever did it would be with someone who could accept his cheating and be willing to have a threesome with another women. He knew for sure that there are women out there that would accept this and I totally agree. I totally feel that this young man would feel differently if he were unattractive, over forty and broke. For sure maturity would change his feelings about this whole thing.

I appreciated dudes honesty and confidence, but I didn't buy this at all. When anyone talks like that it goes deeper than anyone can imagine. I'm no psychiatrist, but it doesn't take one to figure this out. I see alot of hurt and pain in this young man masked by his confidence. In other words, I felt dude had a low emotional IQ. That was the most confused thing I've ever heard. How could anyone make sense out of that? It's sad how people have gotten away from the essence of love and being human. We live in a world that is so use to negativity that we have become adjusted and accept this as the norm. We put love and humanity on the back burner and put our jobs and selfish needs ahead of everything. How can this be right? It angers me when I hear someone say "I don't have time to date because my career is more important". I believe 100% in The Grind, but in no way should it ever take the place what's human. We are getting so use to doing this that it's also becoming acceptable.

In summation, my goal is not to 'out' anyone nor tear them down. It's more important to me for people to get back to putting love first. We cannot cheat on our mates just because we're great providers and think it's ok. We definitely cannot put The Grind before love. When it's all said and done we can't take it with us... When we're gone from this earth the money gets left behind. Matthew 18:18 says Verily I say unto you, Whatsoever ye shall bind on earth shall be bound in heaven: and whatsoever is loosed on earth shall be loosed in heaven. Now, That Human!! Let's get back to Love... Don't get mad at me, just enlighten me...Peace!!

This Thing Called Love

It's amazing how the human relationship is one of the most difficult things in the world to figure out. I've heard this question so many times, " what is love"? There has been numerous debates on the radio and amongst friends in regards to this subject. It's funny how many actually really don't know what love is. Well, God summed it up for us in the scriptures. He kept it simple knowing we would have trouble trying to figure this thing out all by ourselves. The scripture says, "There is no fear in love for perfect love casteth out all fear. I've seen this phrase broken down by some of the smartest individuals out there, but no matter which way you look at it they are all still saying the same thing. The word fear is a very powerful thing, because fear is what makes love imperfect. Fear will cause poor communication, lack of responsibility and lack of value for another.

I don't hear people saying too much about the word 'value'. I often wonder why this is the case because we have value for so many irrelevant things in life, but we have trouble valuing one another. Therefore, my assumption is that people understand value just as much as they understand what love is. Value can make or break a relationship. What you put value in is the thing that you take the most pride in. Unfortunately, we take more pride in our homes and cars and tend to put human relationships on the back burner. We don't nurture our relationships and care about each the way it was actually meant to be. If a relationship doesn't work out we simply turn it lose or throw it away and we're on to the next one. The sad part is people will fight for their houses and die for their cars. It's an atrocity how we've failed to prioritize the most human thing of life which is love. When I had no 'value' I dated a guy my good friend really liked and I almost lost her friendship. When I learned to value her I let him go. I put her first and I was fine with it. Thank you Lord for teaching me value at an early age.

I would love to see people have more positive interactions with one another. Communication is an essential ingredient of life and without it there is no functioning. Lack of it is like taking a bath without water. It's literally impossible to pull off. We don't talk to each other, listen to each other nor practice honesty the way we should. We are so afraid that if we tell the truth we will end up losing out. Unfortunately, we still lose because we failed to be honest. Oh, my guess is that poor communication coincides with fear.

I believe relationships fail due to the reasons I've mentioned, but most relationships fail because we poorly choose the people we allow into our lives. I get it as far as making mistakes when we are young and first starting out, but it's sad when you find you've reached a certain stage and still don't get it. It's such a shame to see a person continue the same pattern never learning from prior mistakes and never maturing in love. Thus allowing this to make them even more cold and miserable. Relationships are meant to learn from not make you cold hearted and miserable. It's supposed to prepare you to be better and know the right one when you see him/her. I often ask how did we get this so backwards? Oh yeah, I'm guessing that would be fear.

In summation, Love is what is going to end up healing the world. I still believe in the essence of love and I have great hopes that we can improve our lives and relationships one individual at a time, one soul at a time. Like Oprah says, we've gotta learn to live our best lives. Let's get back to being human and and putting love first. Let's make a pack that this will be part of transforming ourselves into better lovers and friends... Please feel free to make a comment on anything I've said. Like I always say, don't get mad at me just enlighten me...Peace!!

Undefeated

Have you ever felt like you have the whole world on your shoulders? In other words you feel like you just can't get no love no matter what you do. What is the world coming to when people have become so mechanical living their lives without human emotion.
Society controls us to the point where this has become the norm. We don't know how to love each other anymore. We don't have value for those who are closest to us. Not only that, but we've grown accustomed to pretending in our everyday lives. It saddens me to see so much hatred and violence in the world. We have so much accessible to us , but we won't use it. We have marriage counseling, relationship therapy and most of all we have God. We worry about what people think about us yet these are the same folks who really don't know or understand themselves.
It's time to start recognizing our weaknesses and one day at a time turn weakness to strength. Let's focus on living our best lives which is impossible to do without love in our hearts. No one can determine your self worth accept for God and yourself. The more we learn to live our best life, the more we are undefeated....We must bring love back into the world one day at a time one individual at a time...That's really the only way to achieve lasting happiness and peace... #TeamLove holla at me!...And If someone doesn't like something I said, don't fight me enlighten me!...Undefeated!!

Time For A Change

I love Oprah and I love her slogan, 'Live Your Best Life'. I don't mind taking advice from Oprah since I watched her from day one and seen how much she has grown as a person and developed into a beautiful strong black woman. I remember when she had issues with her weight, and she even shared that she was sexually molested at a young age. She was always looking for ways to better her life. I love how she shared her journey with everyone letting us know she was human too. If you look at Oprah now she seems so much more confident, relaxed and comfortable in her own skin. She appears to totally accept her greatness and looks happy and at peace.

What does live your best life mean? I believe it means to set some positive goals and do everything you can to be successful at achieving those goals. I feel that as long as you make the efforts to put positivity out into the universe, then only positive things can come back to you. Sometimes it takes a minute to figure that out. What you must do first is be willing to change. It's easy to get stuck in a safety net. After all a safety net can appear to be quite stable and comfortable. The trick is to notice when it starts to get uncomfortable. That's when the universe is sending you a signal that it's time to move on, move up and try something new. It's an ugly feeling when you get the signal and continue to do nothing about it. This can never be living your best life. It just does not feel good.

Your best life awaits you. Change is the only way you can achieve growth. If you keep doing the same thing over and over you can't reach growth. Have you ever noticed how some people are set in their ways. Like it's 2010 and some people still wear the mommy jeans from 1990. Some people get stuck in a relationship for years with same person hoping he/she will finally change never coming to the conclusion that they are being held on a string. That string will stretch as long as you will allow it to go. The good news is that if you cut that string, growth occurs. Then the doors are open to meet the one person who is really right for you. He/she was just waiting for you to cut that string. We have to allow ourselves the opportunity to grow.

When I was growing up my family teased me constantly about me being too determined. I would scream at them to make them stop. As I got older I began to realize that being determined is actually a good thing. That's how I survived and made it through life. How could that be a bad thing if it works for you? We must remain determined to reach the goals we set such as being a better father, mother, friend, daughter, worker, planner etc. Stay determined to change with the times. This includes anything from relationships to a new and better job. Stick to your beliefs and never let anyone determine how you survive.

Change can create a natural flow to your life. We all have desires to achieve our dreams, but you can't get what you want if you don't branch out. We should all have the desires of our heart, but you must work for it. It does take some work. Nothing worth having is ever easy. That's how you get out of the safety zone. If you want a good job and the job market is slow, create your own job. If you want a good man and your in a poor relationship, create the man of your dreams. Write down what you want and need and the universe will draw him to you. Be realistic about what you want. Instead of wanting to change someone. Write how you want someone who loves you, inspires you and fits you like a glove. Or someone who has the greatest respect for you, tells you the truth and wants to be there.

Victory my friends! Change is inevitable. Don't avoid it. It can only bring about nothing but good. We should have everything we want in this life. Come on and get what you want, what you need and what you deserve. You know what you want, so let's go get it! 'Live Your best Life', accept your greatness and be happy and at peace like Oprah!...Smooches